First Anniversary Celebration of Equal Marriage in Massachusetts
May 15, 2005 at Old South Church in Boston
by Nancy S. Taylor, Senior Minister

A sermon based on I Corinthians, 13. 1-8a
[Adapted from a sermon preached at the Clergy Colloquy on “Ministering in the Wake of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Ruling on Same Gender Marriage”, March 22, 2004, United Congregational Church, UCC, Worcester, Massachusetts]

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the presence of these witnesses, to celebrate the honorable estate of marriage … to celebrate the fact that the gifts and graces of this venerable and evolving institution have been extended to same gender couples. We also gather to give witness to the fact that since May 17, 2004, the sky has not fallen in; the world has not come to an end; Massachusetts has not been washed away by the Atlantic Ocean; and that all that has transpired is that families have been strengthened and love and commitment have been recognized and honored for what they are.

Since May 17, 2004 I have had the privilege and the pleasure of officiating at marriages of same gender couples. I will tell you what I experienced, what I felt, on those occasions: that it is a holy and precious and rare privilege, to participate in righting a wrong. Over the course of this past year, many of us – clergy and justices of the peace – have united couples who had been in every way married, except in name. We have experienced the great joy and triumph of being a part of making right a wrong that had been done to them … extending to these couples and families the economic and social benefits of marriage, as well as the cultural affirmation and respect of this honorable institution.

As we are gathered in a church whose founders and forebears were Puritans, I want to say a word about them. Let me first assure you, however, that although we are the descendants of the Puritans, we have loosened up a lot since then. An early deacon of this church, the patriot Samuel Adams – also known for brewing beer – ignited the Boston Tea Party at a meeting held at the Old South Meeting House. It was in the Meeting House that he and the Sons of Liberty decided to dump tea in Boston Harbor. Which is to say, we’ve been in the business of revolution and liberty for some time.

Building on this congregation’s long-standing welcome to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, I am delighted to be able to report to you that, at a congregational vote taken last year Old South affirmed its support of equal marriage.

Our support of equal marriage is of a piece with that same revolutionary fervor expressed by Samuel Adams: a commitment to liberty, to rights and freedoms … a commitment engraved in our state’s Constitution, and asserted in our nation’s Declaration of Independence: the assertion that all people are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights and that among these are the rights to life, to liberty and to the pursuit of happiness.

It wasprecisely theserights that were confirmed in law in Massachusetts on May 17 a year ago.

And, yet, perhaps it is more accurate to think of our support of equal marriage as evolutionary, rather than revolutionary. Last year at about this time, we heard from two important Massachusetts leaders – both religious and political – claiming that marriage hasn’t changed in 5000 years. In fact, marriage has changed enormously over the last 5000 years. Indeed, it is its very elasticity, its ability to grow and adapt with human social evolution, that has enabled the institution of marriage to endure.

For the benefit of those who claim that marriage hasn’t changed for 5000 years, allow me to quickly review some of the things about marriage that have changed. 5000 years ago wives were the property of their husbands. Things have changed since then. 5000 years ago it was legal to stone wives for adultery. Things have changed since then. 5000 years ago a man’s wealth was measured in how many sheep and wives he had … and they were each worth about the same. Things have changed since then. Over the course of the past 5000 years people of different races, as well as people of different religions were prevented by law from marrying each other. Things have changed since then.

Speaking of change, the Puritans brought about a change in thinking about marriage as well. For the Roman Catholic Church, the sole and highest purpose of marriage was and is procreation. They did and do defend this position, citing the Book of Genesis, and God's orders that the first humans "be fruitful and multiply". (Gen. 1.28) The Puritans, on the other hand, disagreed with this. They pointed to God's observation that, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him." (Gen. 2.18) With this text, the first generation of Puritans argued two important points: 1) the superiority of marriage over celibacy and, 2) companionship, not procreation, as the primary aim of marriage. ¹

The point I want to make is that while marriage and it purposes continue to be disputed, what is indisputable is that over the centuries our laws, our attitudes, and our churches have evolved and adapted. They have evolved and adapted to reflect tolerance of new configurations and understanding of family and marriage across religions, race, ethnicity, gender and class. Marriage itself has evolved to reflect humane and civilizing social progress, and to reflect new appreciations for human and civil rights.

The year-old status of equal marriage in Massachusetts – and the current national debate about it – are but the next steps in the continual re-thinking and re-shaping of our collective understanding of the mysterious complexity of human relationships … and, of how we accommodate and express those in our social and cultural institutions.

I also want to say a word of assurance today about those clergy and religious leaders who are so opposed to equal marriage. I want to remind them that clergy have the right to refuse to officiate at any weddings they choose. Indeed, clergy regularly exercise their right to decide whom they will marry or not marry. For instance, many clergy routinely refuse to officiate at weddings of non-church members. Many clergy routinely refuse to officiate at weddings of inter-faith couples, inter-racial couples, same-gender couples.

No clergy person is compelled to officiate at any marriage they do not want to. The decision of when and whether to act as an agent of the state - when and whether to assist a couple in their desire to wed - is a professional and personal decision and discernment. It is a decision and discernment informed by religious belief and conscience, that is ours, as clergy, by right.

While other clergy don’t have to officiate at weddings of same gender couples … don’t let anyone get in the way of those of us who, by law, are delighted to be able to participate in this joyous and holy responsibility.

Over the course of more than 20 years as a minister, I have officiated at many marriages. Some, I was certain, would last a life-time; and didn’t. Others, I was sure, didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell; and are still strong and vital today. Over the course those years I have done pre-marital counseling, led Friday evening rehearsals, officiated at Saturday weddings, and counseled couples whose marriages were in trouble. In all that time I learned that love and attraction between two people are things that are mysterious and unfathomable …and deeply and properly private. For how and why you are attracted to another is as intimate and personal as the skin upon your hand, and the color of your skin, and how you are a woman or how you are a man.

I am profoundly grateful to my mother and father for their marriage. It was from their relationship that I learned that marriage is not merely a condition of the heart. It may begin as a condition of the heart, but marriage itself is an act of the will. It is something that requires the best of us: discipline, patience, determination, kindness, forgiveness and respect.

Couples for their church weddings often choose the biblical passage that was read earlier. It is a portion of a letter written by the Apostle Paul to a Christian community in Corinth in the first century. Yet, Paul's letter was not addressed to couples on the brink of marriage. He wrote to people who were working together at the disputed questions of life in community. They were addressing in the first century, some of the same questions we dispute today: relations between men and women, between people of different ethnic and religious traditions and, in general, how to get along amidst our human diversities.

For these precious moments this afternoon, we find ourselves in a room with like-minded people. Yet, in a few moments we will be leaving this place and this company of people. As we go back out to our neighborhoods and families and houses faith and places of work, we will reenter the world of politics and religion where equal marriage is a passionately disputed question.

Therefore, as love is what has called us together to this celebration today, let us model love for one another – and for all others; even the opposition, even our enemies. In the words of St. Paul, let us model a love that is patient and kind; not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude; a love that does not insist on its own way; is not irritable or resentful; does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. A love that bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things …a love that does not end.

Friends: sisters and brothers, let us vow to model and live this love, for both friend and enemy, partner or spouse, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until we are parted by death.

Do I hear an Amen?