Catholics Continue Talking About Marriage

Chuck Colbert

In Newsweekly
October 6, 2005
    
Traditional marriage advocates, along with the local church hierarchy and its various Catholic allies, want a gay marriage ban placed on the Massachusetts ballot in November 2008.

More likely than not, the effort to gather the required number of 66,000 signatures will succeed. Of course, state lawmakers could kill the gay marriage ban. A legal challenge is also possible. Still, the mantra of gay marriage detractors —”Let the people vote” — harkens a ballot-box reality coming our way in three years time.

So, what if voters get their say? Recent polling data from the University of Massachusetts-Lowell (Sept. 19-27 among 400 voters) suggests that 56 percent of registered voters oppose the anti-gay initiative petition, with 40 percent in favor.

But among Catholic voters, 49 percent favor the ban, with 46 percent opposed. In a state with nearly half the population identifying as such, Catholics are critical voters. How they think is important as the statewide conversation over the question of gay marriage continues. And you don’t have to be Catholic to understand this political and electoral dynamic.

We have learned much in the last year of legal gay marriage. When non-gay people personally get to know real gay couples and our families through experience, people often have a change of heart. There is ample evidence of that from the recent vote on Beacon Hill when lawmaker after lawmaker just said no marriage inequality.

So the conversations and up close and personal time with gay people must continue — real dialogue, aiming to win the hearts and minds of the people, especially Catholics.

Julie and Hillary Goodridge — the namesakes of the landmark Goodridge v. Massachusetts Department of Health marriage case that led to marriage equality in the Bay State — have the right idea, and they themselves are not Catholic. “As long as someone doesn’t hold a ‘God hates fags’ sign, I’ll talk to anyone,” said Hillary at a recent press conference.

     Julie tells a short story about how their 60-something-year-old carpenter and his wife, both suburban Catholics, came around to understand the importance of marriage equality.

“Our contractor Ralph has spent so much time with us that we named our cat after him,” Julie said. “At the beginning, he was not comfortable with our talk of marriage. He and his wife [Mary] were dead-set against it. So, we let it go and kept on working together. …

But recently, Ralph told the couple: “Mary’s come around. Last night we were at a party and someone brought up gay marriage. Mary said, ‘Well I know what my church says about it, but I also know a very nice couple raising a daughter and can’t see any reason they shouldn’t be able to be married.’”

It’s as simple as that, talking with people and staying with them as they find the time and space to grow. Sure enough, the good people of Massachusetts will come around. That’s my hope.

Catholics, themselves, are also speaking out. At another recent press conference, held by the Religious Coalition for the Freedom to Marry, Charles Martel and others released a Catholic declaration in support of same-sex civil marriage. This is a new and important way for Catholics to voice their support.

So far there are more than 2,000 people who have declared their support for same-sex civil marriage, making their voices heard from within that faith tradition.

You can sign on by connecting to www.rcfm.org. One straight couple already has done so. Cathy and John Shea, of St. Ignatius Church at Boston College, are married with four children, including one gay son. Cathy had this to say: “I want all my friends and relatives and other Catholics to look within the very core of who they are, to look within their soul and discover how they truly feel about the civil rights of all people in the state.”

Speaking of same-sex civil marriage, her husband added, “I don’t see any threat to how I live my life … or a threat to my Catholic faith.”

Newly wed Marianne Duddy-Burke of Dignity/Boston told of how her and wife Becky’s civil marriage coincided with the Catholic baptism of “our wonderful, amazing daughter Emily.” Marianne said that Emily, age 3 1/2, has been to 11 weddings, four heterosexual and seven same-sex. “She talks about marriage as two people who love each other and want to be a family,” Marianne said.

Larry Kessler of Our Lady Help of Christians also spoke of his “privilege and joy,” having attended six same-sex weddings, some of which he played an official part — leading a prayer or speaking. “Many people of different faiths felt comfortable, overcome with joy — and they came away saying, ‘What took us so long?’ or ‘This was the right thing to do.’”

Let the conversations about marriage equality continue. Let our knowledge and compassion grow.  Genuinely open, honest, and safe dialogue is the right thing to do. It’s also good for the Commonwealth.  And very good for the Catholic Church. 

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